Killing Two Birds with One Stone ?

Mr Trump , Sir  :

These days , you are a very harassed man , what with everyone ganging up against you and blaming you for “ Travel Ban / Immigration Policy / Outsourcing / Mexican Wall “etc

And taking Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe for some light-hearted banter at your Florida resort , isn’t much help

You see , Shinzo-san wants to “ Export “ more Japanese goods to you ( - and that despite a $ 69 billion trade surplus with USA in 2016 ! ) . Patently unfair !

But just ask him :

“ OK , we will buy more from you , but in return , can you help us out with these 120 lakh illegal immigrants , by granting them permanent residence in your country ? “

Shinzo-san will say :

“ No way ! Do you want me to lose the next election ? “

But tell our PM , Shri Narendra Modiji :

“ Modiji , will you help me out with these 120 lakh illegal immigrants by housing them permanently in your country and I will neither cut back on the number of H1B visas to Indian companies , nor raise the salary from $ 60,000 to $ 130,000 per year ? “

Fortunately , our PM too like you , comes from a Gujarati business community and like you, never misses an opportunity for conducting a profitable “ Dhandha “ in the most unlikely of circumstances !

He would say :

“ Trump Bhai ,

Thank you for your offer but I too , am fighting many State elections right now , where I have to make some brand NEW PROMISES to the voters , who have this bad habit of remembering my earlier promise to deposit Rs15 lakh in each person’s bank account by bringing back the BLACK MONEY stashed abroad

If you help me fulfil that promise , we can surely make a “ Win-Win “ kind of a deal “

And since you like to “ fix things “ by “ making deals “, you would say :

“ Modiji,

  Deal making is in my blood , so what is your price ? “

Expect Modiji to point out that , just two years back, Norway paid to Netherland , Euro 25 million per year, to house – and look after – 242 Norwegian prisoners in Norgerhaven Prison , located in Netherland

That works out to approx. Rs 75 lakh per prisoner per year

And Modiji knows that ,

·         USA is a much richer country than Norway

·          

·         You too have to fulfil promises that you made to American voters ,

• Annual cost per detainee at Guantanamo: More than $10 million

     { http://www.humanrightsfirst.org/resource/cost-guantanamo }

So here is what you can expect to hear :

“ Trump Bhai ,

  We will accommodate all of those 120 lakh illegal immigrants ( - without even questioning your definition of illegal ) , in specially constructed prisons in our country

To look after them , you will pay us just Rs ONE CRORE per prisoner per year

That is Rs 120 lakh*crore per year

( - all the BLACK and WHITE currency notes deposited in banks since demonetization amount to Rs 15 lakh*crore  )

Of course , you will need to pay ,

·         Rs 30 lakh*crore, as advance ( we need this to construct some 1 LAKH prisons , under our Low Cost Affordable Housing Scheme )

·         Rs 30 lakh*crore , on the beginning of each quarter ( 1^st April / 1^st July etc ) “

Upon hearing this , Shri Trump is ecstatic and goes speechless for a few seconds !

When he recovers , he says :

“ Modiji ,

It is a deal !

You are a true friend - in the nature of a friend in need is a friend indeed

See , I am all for outsourcing of the RIGHT KIND – just misunderstood !

You have given me an idea to outsource maintenance of all of our Nuclear Missiles to my another  friend Putin . He is even cheap - at Rouble ONE MILLION per missile per year !

I pulled America out of TPP , so that I can make BI-LATERAL trade agreements with each country

This outsourcing agreement with India , will pave the way many more of such mutually beneficial deals “

My note :

I do hope our Construction Industry and our Hospitality Industry will lobby hard to realize their fondest dreams !

12  Feb  2017

www.hemenparekh.in / blogs